Great Idea! Unfortunately, I Think It’s Probably Also Illegal . . .

As Brian Carter reveals more of the seamy underbelly of life as a real estate broker (“Paying for access has its perks . . .”), a cottage industry of unlicensed/unofficial/impromptu brokering emerges (“Help me find an apt, get $500”):

I need to find a new place to live, you need $500. This could be as easy as a phone call to your landlord, a friend who lives in the neighborhood, or your grandmother who owns a building. Maybe one of your neighbors is moving out.

I’ve been looking for a place for the past month, dealing with sheisty real estate brokers, flaky apt owners who post on Craig’s List, and I’m fed up. You need the money more than some asshole broker, and I would feel much better paying you for real help.

Here’s what I’m looking for: a studio or 1-br apt in Williamsburg, near the Graham Ave L stop (Lorimer or Grand are also good), $1000/mo rent or less, no basements. I have a cat, and I’m a perfect tenant: great credit, responsible, quiet, etc. The ideal location for me would be the area bounded by the BQE and Grand St, between Union and Bushwick Ave. Nothing in Bushwick please (I already live there).

Please call or e-mail me if you have any leads. As soon I sign a lease, you get $500.

“Ah, I see!” says the blind man! You’re looking for . . . a broker!

And just so you understand what the poster is asking for, try searching on Craig’s List for “Williamsburg” for a maximum of $1000 (I got three words for you: “J M Z”).

And for a self-aware, self-reflective defense of that which is referred to therein as the “asshole broker,” see Carter’s Rental Dementia blog . . .