“Protect Your Device”

The latest numbers are out, subway crime is on the rise and the MTA is advising riders to protect their devices — in this case, iPods and cellphones.

But in the roughly four months of 2005 there doesn’t seem to be that many thefts — especially considering how many people actually ride the subway. The Times reports that there were 50 iPod thefts and 165 cellphone snatches. As the proud owner of an iPod Shuffle, I can live with those numbers!

Even better news is that the thefts tend to be confined to high school kids. Screw the high school kids! I don’t care about them anyway:

Just as officials in the high-crime 1980’s warned riders to beware of chain-snatchers and pickpockets, so are they now suggesting that iPod users avoid standing out. “Earphones are a giveaway,” one announcement says ominously. “Protect your device.”

It seems that the iPod has joined a list of sought-after products – Air Jordan sneakers, shearling coats, gold necklaces, boom-box radios and pricy leather jackets among them – that have been targets over the years. “We went through a period when you could track crime by the price of gold,” said Michael F. O’Connor, the chief of transit police from 1992 to 1995, recalling the chain snatchings of an earlier era.

Small digital devices now seem to be the prize catch.

Most of the cases involve young people taking iPods from other young people, Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly said. “A lot of it happens after school, the kind of tumult that you see when children or young people are getting on the subway station at dismissal time.”

Apple wouldn’t respond to the Times’ request for a comment but former Police Commissioner William J. Bratton did and he took the opportunity to slam the MTA for dirty subways. What a dick:

Mr. Bratton said he rode the New York subways twice during a visit last week and found them to be in shabby condition.

“When you have subway cars that are filthy – and the ones I was riding in were a mess – and it looks like there’s no one in charge, the temptation to commit crime is more significant,” he said.

OK, so maybe the subways are dirtier than they have been, but we all know the Los Angeles Police Chief is just jealous and wishes he was back home. You know L.A. sucks, dude!