Please, No $5 Footlong Jokes

A slackening economy leads to some creative remedies:

While Cousin Vinny’s Way, a so-called dining delight, at 2726 East Tremont Avenue, is dishing out what owner Anthony Agnello calls the “highest quality meats,” it’s what he identifies as his “high quality females” that have community members on edge.

In an attempt to ambiguously advertise his newest venture, Agnello, 48, stated in a highly publicized flyer that in the evenings his “seemingly harmless sub shop becomes the wildly, erotic and explicit, all nude private club, Cousin Vinny’s Little Secret.”

The “secret” club, which he describes to be located in the rear, private entrance of the restaurant, boldly offers unlimited access to “live action from some of the most beautiful young ladies.”

. . .

Agnello previously owned a Subway restaurant up the block before the corporate office pulled his franchise in May.

Local merchants, who wish to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation, said the franchise cancellation came after Agnello refused to remove mobster-type décor from the establishment.

The unique decorations, including a gun on the store’s awning, are a fixture of his newest establishment and though he claims he was “disenfranchised due to politics and differences of opinion as far as marketing is concerned,” he still maintains Subway’s official advertisements, slightly obstructed by personal stickers for originality.

Subway’s corporate office was unavailable for comment.

The unexpected promise to “please” local residents comes not so conveniently during Westchester Square’s diligent revitalization efforts, an action a local official said is inexcusable.

“At a time when the local merchant community is finally coming together to spruce up the square, the last thing in the world that we need is an adult nightclub in our midst,” Councilman Jimmy Vacca said.