Tipping Is Not A City In China But Rather An Annual Shakedown From Building Staff Who Hold Your Cheapness Over You For The Rest Of The Year

As the holiday tipping season approaches, many — thankfully not me! — must consider the delicate subject of how much to tip building staff. And as etiquettist Judith Martin writes in a review of a new book about doormen, it’s complicated:

Here is the cure for any envy of privileged Manhattanites brought on by viewing their apartments in shelter magazines. These people may occupy huge slices of glass apparently suspended halfway between the twinkling of stars and the twinkling of street lights, and sparsely dotted with black leather, burnished steel, giant flowers and more glass. Or they may occupy horizontal versions of Versailles with wood paneling, ormolu mirrors, marble busts and tapestry-covered furniture. But beyond the financial cost, they and their not-quite-so-grand neighbors pay an emotional price for this every year. They have to figure out what to tip the doorman at Christmas.

The book answers the question whether doormen hold it against you for undertipping. Don’t worry — they do:

The agony of this decision and the perceived consequences of getting it wrong occupy a key chapter in “Doormen” — and this is not an etiquette book. It is a sociological treatise, complete with footnotes. Far from dispelling the tip trauma, the author, Peter Bearman, ratchets it up by killing the notion that asking the neighbors what they give or organizing a pooled tip fund will solve the problem. The neighbors are lying, he assures us, and they are sure to sabotage group efforts by giving extra on the sly. That is how important it is considered to be the tenant at the high end, but not the top, of the tipping scale.

Furthermore, the suspense of worrying whether one has succeeded or failed will be drawn out until February. To obfuscate the relationship between the expectation of tips and the improved service that begins in November — thus setting off the fretting season — the doormen routinely delay any punishments they mete out. Whew.

Meanwhile, Curbed posts a memo from a corporate-run DUMBO building that offers some, er, robust suggestions for what to tip:

While we may not know the answer for all parts of NYC, we have a pretty good idea of what hip DUMBOites are tipping this year, based on the above memo from Two Trees management sent our way by a Curbed tipster. Notes our tipster, “This tacky memo came from ‘management’ at Two Trees – actually the non-live-in super, the one who is hoping for a $300 tip from each of the several hundred residents at Court House. Tips according to this chart of recommendations, if given to each of the 13 employees listed, would total up to $1600 — more than a month’s rent for some apartments.

Raucous debate ensues in the comments . . .

Update: The folks at University of Chicago Press email to let us know that an excerpt from the Christmas bonus chapter of Peter Bearman’s book is posted online . . . thanks!