Note To Carpetbagging Manhattan Architects And Developers: Take Your Fancypants Skylights Back To Chelsea, Son, Because Around Here We Like Our Essays Dark, Dank And Inscrutable

That faceless warehouse space in the unhip spot down by the river is now an “essay in light”:

With the cacophony of pile drivers and backhoes in the background, Hugh Hardy and Darlene Fridstein emerged from their rented black sedan and surveyed one of New York City’s fastest-gentrifying neighborhoods: the waterfront of Long Island City, Queens.

The two-story red stable they came to see, for sale for $3 million — to any enterprising artist, writer, small businessman or anyone else interested in urban pioneering — possesses one of the world’s best views of the Manhattan skyline.

. . .

Exactly one week later, Mr. Hardy and his staff produced plans for a wowie-zowie renovation of the space, as well as a verbal blueprint of the couple who would live in it.

“He’s abandoned Merrill Lynch and she’s left her job with Cosmo,” the architect postulated. “They’ve embarked on their second careers; he’s a sculptor with a ground-floor gallery. He designs his sculpture with a computer. She’s writing an extraordinary book about his work.”

As to the plan for the stable, “it’s an essay in light,” he said. “We’ve opened up the hayloft,” Mr. Hardy continued. “We’ve done a little glassy balcony in the front, with sort of an Italian feeling, to admire the staggering view. We carved out the back, and threw it away. The couple now has a long and narrow pool with a spigot — a fountain — a tree and a fabulous spiral staircase. After the somewhat subdued openings that take place here, they can throw a wild party!”

. . .

The interior, Ms. Fridstein said, would be sparse, but elegant. “She’s a French furniture collector; there’s no matchy-matchy in this space,” she said. “They like tables and chairs from the 30’s and 40’s; Jean Prouvé; beautiful iron folding chairs. The carpets are woven from combinations of linens and silks, with a slight sheen.”

She paused. “There will be no dog.”