Dwayne Schneider As Father Figure

Last we left Brian Carter, he was explaining why you shouldn’t feel bad about ripping off brokers. This week he highlights the importance of bribing the super, with varying results:

Still relatively new to the real estate game, I figured it was time to up the ante. I needed to take the next step in my career. I decided to bribe my first super.

In this slightly confused business, it’s often the guy fixing the toilets and hauling the garbage that has the most influence. Supers know everything. A couple of Yankees tickets or a $100 bill slipped under his door can go a long way in a tight market.

A good super has the inside track on who is moving out and more importantly, when. They open the doors for some agents, and can’t seem to find the keys for others. It took me a while before I learned to interpret, “Sorry Pal. Can’t get you in, just had the floors done.” What he really means is that another agent is already slipping him enough cash to keep the door closed to competition.

Unless you had a stable of exclusives, which I didn’t, most agents are showing the same “open listings.” A few days ahead of the pack is a huge advantage when solid apartments are renting the day they hit the market. Armed with only a set of business cards and 40 bucks, I set out for the East Village in search of anyone in work boots and a garden hose in their hand.

I had little experience in bribing anyone (other than my younger brothers), and wasn’t really sure of how to start the conversation.

. . .

Getting ready to call it quits and head back to the office to start thinking “outside of the box” again, I passed a hardware store on First Ave. An older and well-built Spanish man was leaving with a bundle of rat traps. I was too tired to play it coy.

“You a super?”

“Yup.”

“Got any apartments available?”

“Not right now, but I might in a week.”

I felt it was going ok, and waded in a little further.

“Great. How can I, you know, get into to see it?”

“Just call me up,” he said flatly.

“I’m sort of new to this, but is there any way I can make sure I get in first?”

He thought about it for a moment, but seemed a little confused by the question.

“I guess so . . . if you’re the first one who calls.”

Don’t you know who I am? (You think Bonnie Fucking Franklin had to bribe her super!?)