Noises Off

A virtual quack at the Times Square recruiting station has done little to tamp down the site’s persistent pigeon population:

Last month the contractor who maintains the little metal-and-glass building between 43rd and 44th Streets installed a noise-producing contraption that was supposed to shoo the pigeons away.

The device came with four speakers, fewer than some home-theater setups have, but enough to blast bird noises every 10 minutes or so. The noises — the calls of predators, even the sounds of pigeons being attacked — are supposed to scare the pigeons, or at least make them pay attention.

Everybody does pay attention to the noise, it seems — everybody but the pigeons. Pedestrians shake their heads at the idea of woodsy sound effects in the urban jungle. The pigeons, having abandoned the southern end of the recruiting station roof, where the speakers are, stay put on the northern end.

. . .

The Air Force recruiter assigned to the Times Square recruiting station, Tech. Sgt. Danny Ulch, said the bird sounds made him laugh — and think of London. Mayor Ken Livingstone has put a premium on evicting pigeons from Trafalgar Square, spending $423,000 since 2003 on two hawks and a handler.

“England pays big money, but they get predatory birds,” said Sergeant Ulch, who arrived in Times Square last month after three years as a recruiter in the Chicago area. “We took the nonharmful route, and it’s not working very well. It seems like there are a hundred million pigeons here.”

I know the military has a sort of, you know, image problem when it comes to using force against life or limb, but perhaps they ought to think about trying what New York City Transit has done in Queens . . . just saying!