Conflating Gluttony With Competition Is More Than Anything Actually Probably Why They Hate Our Freedom

The only thing worse than professional competitive eaters (and try explaining that concept to people in somewhere like, oh, I don’t know, Sub-Saharan Africa) are the walk-ons:

Professional eaters Arturo Rios “Grande” Jr. and Allen “The Shredder” Goldstein scarfed more than two dozen soggy hot dogs apiece yesterday, earning them a spot in next week’s Coney Island showdown.

Rios, 30, of Long Branch, N.J., edged Goldstein, 43, of Plainview, N.Y., by eating 27.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes, a personal all-time best for the divorced father of three who nearly lost his free lunch at the end of the contest at the Manhattan Mall’s food court.

“It’s like any sport, when you try to go that extra mile, try to do that little extra bit, it takes a lot,” Rios said. “And it’s more than physical ability. It’s mental.”

Rios trailed Goldstein — who finished with 26 downed dogs — for most of the match. Both men, who were the only professional eaters in yesterday’s lineup, doused their dogs and buns in liquid (water for Goldstein, fruit punch for Rios) before ramming them down their throats. Watery bits of buns stuck on their faces, and by the final bell, Rios and Goldstein were hovering near a trash can.

“I got it all in and then I had to cough,” Rios said of the final seconds. “My daughter got me sick a few days ago.”

Rios claimed to hold the record for pig feet at 6.6 pounds in 10 minutes.

. . .

The contest had been billed as a chance for an “ordinary eater” or civil servant to join next week’s ultra-competitive field.

City correction officer Edward Ritchie, 30, finished third with 9.5 dogs. Other entrants included Dept. of Homeland Security employee John Sclafani, 34th Street vendor David Brokenbaugh and Loyola College student Donny Lind.