You Know This City’s Full Of Hawks? That’s A Fact . . . They Hang Around On The Top Of The Big Hotels . . . And They Spot A Pigeon In The Park . . . Right Down On Him

Terry Malloy blubbers, “Kid, this ain’t your night” because while pigeon is a delicacy in France, in New York, not so much:

Council Member Simcha Felder, a Democrat of Brooklyn, will announce legislation today to ban the feeding of pigeons anywhere in the city. He will also call for the appointment of a pigeon tsar to manage the population of the birds. In addition, he will recommend looking into further action, including introducing pigeon-killing predators or providing the birds, like New York City school children, with artificial means of birth control.

“The people of New York are sick and tired of dodging pigeons and their droppings as they walk around the city,” Mr. Felder said yesterday. “The sidewalks, parks, streets and bridges of our City are littered with evidence that something needs to be done. The government needs to take responsibility for this issue and end the free rein of pigeons in our city.”

. . .

“I know sometimes this doesn’t pass the laugh test,” [Minority Leader James] Oddo said yesterday. “And it’s easy for cynical people to say ‘Don’t they have anything better to worry about than pigeons?’ But I’m not worried about pigeons — I’m worried about commuters having to bob and weave to dodge these birds swooping and pooping.”

You know, when you think about it, tackling this issue is not the worst use of the City Council’s time . . .