The Scottish King! The Scottish King!

More like “Macbeth!”:

“The last 15 years have been boom years for theater — I always expected the pendulum to swing, and I simply see this as a correction,” said Nancy Coyne, chairwoman of the theater advertising agency Serino Coyne. “The good news is that so many straight plays are now coming in the spring, and I think New Yorkers will come out for them once the tourists go away. We’re horrible snobs. We hate tourists from Cleveland.”

Just keep telling yourself that.

Personally, I can’t wait to sink my teeth into “the story of a world traveling photojournalist and a New York gallery owner who discover each other and also that there might be an art to repairing broken lives” (“Impressionism”). And nothing takes my mind off of a worldwide economic crisis like a new Moises Kaufman play about “a musicologist who travels to the Beethoven archives in Germany to unravel the mystery surrounding the composer’s enigmatic ‘Diabelli Variations,’ only to discover she has a fatal illness” (“33 Variations”). Oh and hey, what better way is there for New York theatergoers to forget eight years of Bush than an uplifting Ibsen revival? “Hedda sets out on a shocking path of destruction that affects the lives of everyone around her” — I remember that one! — but it does have the hot lady from Weeds. Aw, alright — send me a postcard with some midweek discount and I’ll think about it . . .