You Want To See Fancified Exposed Brick And High Ceilings Where There Is Only Laminate Flooring; Who’s Got Scoreboard Now?

May Queens never lose its charm. A maligned rehab earns top honors from the Chamber of Commerce:

Some people looked at an unused former Eagle Electric Company factory at 19-19 24th Ave., Astoria as nothing more than a derelict shell. Joseph Pistilli, president of Pistilli Realty, saw the building’s potential. Where there was once an empty shell of a factory now stands a residence boasting 186 spacious co-operative apartments, served by a 24-hour concierge and offering spectacular views of the East River, Astoria Park and the Manhattan skyline, with prices starting in the mid- $200,000 range.

The Queens Chamber of Commerce honors Pistilli’s perspicacity and drive at its 95th annual Building Awards dinner this year. Pistilli Riverview East is one of seven buildings deemed winners in the Rehab category, sharing the honor with a single-family residence, a bank branch office, a senior adult center, a branch of the Queens Borough Public Library, an MTA subway maintenance shop and car washing facility and the Visitor and Administration Center at the Queens Botanical Garden.

(Laminate flooring.)

It’s Always All About New York, Isn’t It?

Freakin’ Mets fans are everywhere:

Matt Murphy is now the luckiest man in baseball. The 21-year-old Elmhurst native is the proud owner of Barry Bonds’ record-breaking 756th career home run ball after attending Tuesday night’s San Francisco Giants game from the centerfield bleachers.

In an exclusive phone interview with the TimesLedger Wednesday, Murphy said he initially bought the ticket because he was excited by the chance to watch Barry Bonds become a baseball legend. Bonds had already tied the all-time career home run record on Saturday, and there was a good chance that Tuesday would be the night he would shatter it.

“All I wanted to do was just be in the building,” Murphy said.

When Bonds hit the homer in the fifth inning, Murphy not only got to be part of the historic moment but was able to take it away with him. While the cameras were on Bonds circling the bases, Murphy and more than a dozen fans scuffled, pushed and fought for the piece of baseball history. Murphy ultimately scooped the ball up and hid it in his Mets T-shirt, which he proudly wore despite the boos and jeers of Giants fans.

Ballpark security immediately escorted Murphy out of the stadium as he raised his arms in triumph, sporting the battle scars of his scuffle: a bloody nose, twisted ankle and hot dog ketchup stain.

Murphy said he was grateful to security helping him out of the ruckus and back to his hotel room, as many of the fans were already peeved that he came in dressed in full Mets paraphernalia, including a Jose Reyes jersey and cap.

. . .

Murphy’s friends from Archbishop Molloy High School were amazed to see their classmate all over the sports pages and television early Wednesday morning. Just hours after the lucky moment, Murphy’s pals a created group on the online social network Facebook titled “Matt Murphy just caught Barry Bonds’ 756th Homerun,” which has already attracted more than 50 members.

“It’s very cool. He was representing both Queens and Met fans and that’s always something to be happy about,” said Murphy’s classmate Joe Sommo, 22, of Middle Village, who is a member of the group.

Your Arguments Have Been Deemed Structurally Deficient By The U.S. Department Of Transportation

When tragedy hits, use it:

In the wake of the fatal collapse of the I-35 bridge in Minneapolis, news reports about the poor condition of the Brooklyn Bridge have brought fears of that tragedy close to home.

The iconic bridge was one of only three run by the New York City Department of Transportation to be given a poor rating in the city’s latest annual bridge report card, according to a report by the New York Times. Despite this rating, the bridge was still deemed safe by city officials. Another crucial piece of Brooklyn’s infrastructure, the Gowanus Expressway, was not included in the report, but is in serious disrepair.

To those carefully observing the state of the Gowanus Expressway, which runs along Third Avenue in Bay Ridge, it is increasingly clear that the 45-year-old structure was not intended to sustain today’s heavy traffic load.

“[The structure] is totally inadequate to handle the weight and volume of traffic that it’s getting now,” said Buddy Scotto, who co-founded the Gowanus Expressway Community Coalition. Scotto added that every time an 18-wheeler hits the airbrakes, it takes off half the concrete.

And then there’s the one-hand-clapping sort of riddle about cars and trucks that enter Staten Island but never leave it:

In late 1980s, a federal highway bill was passed that included a provision that eliminated the Verrazano Bridge’s inbound toll while doubling the price of the outbound toll.

JoAnne Simon, former chair of the Gowanus Community Stakeholders Group and current state committeewoman from the 52nd Assembly District is concerned about the volume of trucks that ride the Gowanus after a free pass on the Verrazano. “One-way toll on the Verrazano encourages extra traffic,” she said, emphasizing that trucks ride it “to save about $40 a day.”

A two-way toll would “reduce concentration on the Gowanus,” Ben Meskin, who found the Gowanus Coalition with Scotto, said. “There will always be bad traffic, but you have to spread it out,” he added.

Is there a special non-tolled route through Staten Island that the rest of us don’t know about?

The New York Jets Of East Rutherford

Doesn’t the legislature have better things to do than ribbing New Jerseyans about how they’re totally not New Yorkers? Then again, it is kind of funny:

The New York Giants and New York Jets may be stripping their famed “NY” insignias from their helmets in the near future if Assemblyman Ivan Lafayette (D-Jackson Heights) get his way.

Lafayette has introduced legislation, currently before the Tourism, Arts and Sports Development Committee, that would prevent any sports franchise that does not play its home games in New York state from including New York or its abbreviation in its name. The legislation also prohibits the sale of team merchandise on which New York is displayed if the team it promotes does not play its home games in New York.

“There are many economic benefits for a sports team to be identified from a particular city or state,” Lafayette said. “Additionally, there are numerous sources of revenue that benefit the state and city where a team actually plays its home games,” he added.

If You Don’t Smoke Then I Won’t Fart

Another week, another Villager story about someone who can’t sleep. Community Media LLC should just save us the trouble and start a separate publication dedicated to stories about Lower Manhattan residents who are angry at nearby bars — they’re all starting to blend together in my mind anyway:

For residents living above the nightclub 46 Grand, life has been anything but.

Kevin Solomon, a resident at 46 Grand St. in Soho, said he and his family are kept awake every Friday and Saturday until 3 a.m. by loud music from the club. The other week, it happened on Wednesday night, too.

“And I live on the fourth floor,” he said. “So you can imagine what it is like for the people living on the second and third floors.”

Family man? Check.

Loud music? Check.

Can’t sleep? Check.

Obligatory “If it’s loud for me, imagine what it’s like for the 85-year-old on floor two” quote? Check.

The question is what we call this new publication. The Village Complainer? The Downtown Bitcher? Let’s brainstorm here.