You May Not Ever Participate In “Brunch,” You May Even Hate It, But Brooklyn Without Brunch Is An Existential Threat To Its Way Of Life

Brooklyn Community Board 1’s War on Brunch has moved away from bluster and toward imminent conflict:

Department of Consumer Affairs regulators issued a citation to the Lorimer Street bistro Lokal at 9:35 am for violating a little-known rule that bars eateries from operating sidewalk cafes before noon on Sundays.

. . .

The summons is a victory for CB1’s public safety general Tom Burrows, who vowed to shush noisy restaurants and move diners indoors by campaigning against restaurants that serve mimosas, bellinis, and french toast to sidewalk crowds on what some consider a day of rest.

One Day Community Boards Will Finally Stupid Themselves Out Of A Job

If there’s one that that people in Brooklyn love, it’s brunch. And nothing shows how totally fucking out of touch a community board is like cracking down on brunch:

A Williamsburg neighborhood group is waging a war on brunch — pressuring restaurants in one of the city’s mimosa-strongholds to open later, hush their patrons, and keep their diners inside.

Community Board 1 members want the city to enforce a little-known rule prohibiting restaurants from serving diners at outdoor sidewalk cafes on Sunday mornings.

“This would keep the sidewalks open for Sunday morning walks to church,” said Community Board 1 public safety chairman Tom Burrows. “Lokal, Enid’s, and Five Leaves consistently open their sidewalk cafe hours before noon on Sundays.”

If you’re bothered by people on the sidewalk, then New York City is kind of the wrong place for you . . .

The Thing About Juries Is, They’re Frequently A Bunch Of Morons

Perry Mason was a hero to most but he never meant shit to me:

“If she doesn’t remember these details, how does she know she was penetrated,” one of the holdouts reportedly said, according to sources.

The color was blue.

We Should Be So Lucky The Economy Is Strong Enough To Have “Crowds” Flocking Anywhere, Even One Block From Times Square

Only a New York City community board could worry that a $100-per-person restaurant might create “noise and crowds”:

The high-end restaurant, where dinners can cost more than $100 per person, first went before the Community Board 4 liquor licensing committee early last year, with a targeted opening date of November 2011.

The committee approved the request for the 250-seat establishment, but at least one resident expressed concerns that the restaurant would be a detriment to the neighborhood, drawing noise and crowds.

Community Boards should have Twitter accounts, their shit is that funny. And now you see why the only people who take Community Boards seriously — including elected officials, business owners, developers, citizens, the SLA — are the people on the community boards themselves.

We’ll Always Have Singapore

The other day Clyde Haberman quipped that unlike some other recent mayors who traveled abroad and got wacky ideas, Bloomberg “should be able to resist some undesirable ideas that will fall his way in rigid Singapore, where it doesn’t take much to step out of line.” Actually, the mayor sounds like he’s right at home.

Which is to say, it’s not Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr that makes people think ideas are bad, it’s that bad ideas make people take to Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Which is also to say, happy constituents don’t have any reason to bitch on Tumblr:

The mayor noted that technology, despite its benefits, can add new pitfalls to an already grueling process. “Social media is going to make it even more difficult to make long-term investments” in cities, Mr. Bloomberg said.

“We are basically having a referendum on every single thing that we do every day,” he said. “And it’s very hard for people to stand up to that and say, ‘No, no, this is what we’re going to do,’ when there’s constant criticism, and an election process that you have to look forward to and face periodically.”

Later, Mr. Bloomberg noted that long-term urban planning “requires leadership, and standing up, and saying, ‘You know, you elected me, this is what we’re going to do,’ and not take a referendum on every single thing.”

At that, the mayor’s interlocutor, the Singaporean professor Kishore Mahbubani, took back the microphone.

“I think the Singapore government sympathizes with your point about social media,” Professor Mahbubani said, prompting loud laughter from the audience. “We are having the same daily referendums in Singapore.”