Googling Your Way Toward Diabetes

If udon noodles were good for you I think I’d eat them every day. Or at least I’d feel like I wanted to eat them every day. As it is I feel a craving and a pull often enough for udon noodles. Big, fat, chewy ones fried in fucking meat-sugar-soy this-or-that. You know.

But there’s nothing particularly nutritious about udon noodles, so I don’t usually eat them. Except for tonight, when I had really old leftovers and needed to get excited about how to consume them (without intestinal distress, fingers crossed) and remembered that I had some cheap vacuum-packed noodles I got at a box store. And the side of the package had an easy stir-fry recipe that included teriyaki sauce.

I don’t keep teriyaki sauce around, but I googled it once and found this lovely rankumphant food.com recipe for it.

I would like to take a minute to discuss food.com. First, it’s one of those URLs that is so ridiculous that you can’t possibly believe it’s on the up and up. Who was lucky enough to get food.com? (The answer is here, by the way: Microsoft alums in the last millennium.) And food.com — besides “food” what’s left? “Shelter”? (In fact, “shelter.com” is taken, but not used.) “Money”? (“Money.com” redirects to the Time magazine site.) “Sex” is what you think it’s going to be (and nothing says “sex.com” like scrolling an endless page of pornographic .gifs in the middle of the day . . . Jesus Fucking Christ . . . oh, the About Us link is at the top). (That said, the sex.com Wikipedia page is interesting.) “Death.com” is a parked domain (fortunately for her, the parked domain lady is not found there). Elsewhere, fun.com seems to be a party supply store. Sad.com is a parked domain with a picture of a sort of pensive looking person. I think I’ll stop now.

Anyway, a lot of the user-generated food.com recipes are weird (I think I got a recipe for frito pie on food.com) but a lot are Sandra Lee-simple and useful for dicking around on a weeknight. That teriyaki recipe, for one. Teriyaki is basically soy and sugar, although I guess there are more traditional versions that I suppose, were I all that interested in dousing shit with sugar, I will check out (and it’s funny because it’s not like I don’t have that stuff around). Rooster sauce makes it good, too.