As Axl Once Said, "Get In The Ring"!

"Has Jon Stewart gotten divorced?" I ask the Google while watching the Barack Obama interview on the Daily Show last night, because it certainly looks as if he's not wearing a wedding ring. As it turns out, this question has already been asked, and the "simple" answer is that he never wears his ring. Plenty of men have problems with wearing bands, either for aesthetic or nefarious reasons, which is something I never understood (the former reason, I mean — I obviously get why they'd want to ditch a ring for the latter reason). Perhaps men just don't like jewelry, but that's no excuse for not celebrating your wife. Your wife is the best thing that ever happened to you.

Boozing and whoring aside, even Charlie Sheen has been married three times. I'd say that he seems like the perfect example of someone for whom marriage is not, but Sheen just keeps at it. Respectfully, I say to thee — by which I mean Charlie Sheen's prospective life partners — watch out for this guy! That said, it's clear that "folks" (to use one of the President's favorite words — one of the few things I learned from the interview beyond the fact that Jon Stewart doesn't wear a ring) everywhere still love to get married, even if it's not "for them" in the end. Howard Stern interviewed Sheen's ex-wife Denise Richards the other day before the Charlie Sheen news blew up and she seemed to say as much about the actor — that even as he continues to get married he's probably not really the marrying type. Definitely sad when you think about it — you're supposed to be "not the marrying type" before you get hitched, not after.

As Maureen Dowd's column the other day showed, even Keith Richards likes to cuddle. Yes, there's that whole heroin thing — and other people have even been married to the opiate, for sure — but at the end of the day Richards just wants "to hug you and kiss you and make you feel good and protect you." Jagger feels less this way, Keith dishes — after all, it's his book and not, you know, Good Will Hunting or something, where everyone looks awesome in the end.

Every day I count my blessings that I have a great spouse. No shit, seriously — best thing that ever happened to me — and I'm reminded of this fact every time I fiddle with my band or get soap stuck under it or it's humid and it's choking your finger or whatever it is, because that's what rings are for.