Annotated Twitter: At Some Point The Original Owners Of All This "Reclaimed" Wood Are Going To Want It Back; What Happens Then?

January 2, 2015


You're in the hospital. With a bunch of health professionals. And you're going to admit you smoked and drank during your pregnancy? Is it any wonder statistics relating to this stuff are probably bullshit?


That was Jameis Winston after, uh, losing to Oregon. Thankfully he's never been on a diet.


The Sixers are so bad that their sponsors give away stuff when they score 90 lousy points, which is basically like the entire rest of the league, every night.

January 3, 2015


Something not totally apparent on the commercials is HOW GODDAMN LOUD THESE THINGS ARE.

January 4, 2015


That would be New York Times music writer Jon Pareles perseverating on the physical attributes of middle-aged women.

January 5, 2015


Stupid, facile, meaningless words.


It's like she's been waiting in a poorly lit PBS studio all fall waiting to tell us about Lady Mary and shit.

January 6, 2015


I always fantasized about getting punched by Sean Penn.

January 10, 2015


It's true — that's a bus in a subway station. It's unnatural.

January 13, 2015


We had people over and I saw a friend absent-mindedly lean on the top of the fridge, only to wipe his hand off on the napkin he was holding. Shit, I can't remember the last time I cleaned the top of the fridge. It took me two more weeks to finally get up there.

January 14, 2015


True: a seemingly straightforward phrase with no readily apparent origin, except for the obvious: alliteration.


Some children grow up with panoramic skylines; fuck them.

January 15, 2015


At some point the original owners of all this "reclaimed" wood are going to want it back; what happens then?

January 16, 2015


Just invites a slapstick comedy treatment.


So far out of my league, so way outside my comfort zone and so way above my pay grade.

January 18, 2015


Sometimes you get super jazzed about the latest establishments that open in your neighborhood. Then there are the other times.

January 19, 2015


Bumper stickers: They're saying what you're thinking.

January 20, 2015


May juvenile laughs never, ever cease to amuse.


Which is why you really, really don't want the entire subway system to default to pre-recorded announcements.

January 26, 2015


Just the most versatile single of 1992, is all.

January 29, 2015


It took many years and many, many poorly executed freelance assignments to come to this conclusion, but eventually I realized that as a poorly trained, completely unseasoned writer I totally overused hyphens, especially when it came to compound modifiers. In this case, "middle class" is a noun, and a very common one, almost as common as the subject itself. YOU DON'T NEED A FUCKING HYPHEN. The weaker argument for hyphenation — "clarification" — doesn't apply here either: there's no such thing as "class economics," so notating that it's not the middle form of "class economics" is no reason to hyphenate. That the president puts this out there makes me distrust his interest in actual "middle class economics." Besides which, the middle class doesn't have endless hyphens to spare — quit trying to hog them all.

January 30, 2015


I was just looking up an address — came across this steady stream of one star Yelp reviews. There's something brilliant and inspired about all one-star reviews (there's that hyphen again).

January 31, 2015


Ray Lewis doing some pre-Super Bowl shit with kids, if memory serves. At 1:39 in the morning, I'm sure it was that.

Posted: March 18th, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Annotated Twitter: Didya Hear The One About Sam Waterston Bringing A Ferret Into Dunkin' Donuts?

December 4, 2014


Why you'd bring a bunny into a Dunkin' Donuts, I have no idea.

December 11, 2014


I actually wrote emails to the Schools Commissioner and Mayor asking whether this was "normal." Haven't heard back. Suffice it to say, there are at least three things that are troubling — take your pick which is the worst: shitty fucking non-curriculum related field trips, shitty fucking corporate pandering or shitty fucking established religion. That no one from either the Board of Ed or the Mayor's office has deigned to respond solidifies what complete fucking jokers these people are. Oh, and we also saw at least one of these same school groups — yes, "groups" as in plural — duck into the subterranean Burger King on the northwest corner of 34th and Sixth. Apparently our children are that fucked.

December 13, 2014


Free NBA League Pass weekend, when the Sixers were still on track to losing every game ever, if memory serves.

December 14, 2014


The silliest audio opener for one of the most exciting shows of recent memory. We never fast-forwarded the DVR just to laugh at this line.

December 15, 2014


I don't, as a rule, "hatewatch," but "friends" of mine do; Whither Forrest Bedford or even Jack McCoy?


Presented without comment.

December 16, 2014


I am *going* to write a song using that abhorrent final phrase at the top of the billboard.

December 23, 2014


Gosh, trying desperately to remember what this was referring to; it's possible it was a riff on something I saw on Nashville.
50


Ah, 1983.

December 27, 2014


It was Kristin Davis, dummy. She just turned 50 at the end of February.

December 28, 2014


The BernzOmatic, in case you were wondering; it works with the Searzall attachment.

December 29, 2014


Drives me fucking nuts. Part of the absurdity of Twitter. And uselessness.

December 31, 2014


A modest proposal: waht if we all started disregarding television cameras?

Posted: March 17th, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , ,

Annotated Twitter: When Slideshows Are Outlawed I'm Sure Dickheads Will Continue To Use Slideshows

November 16, 2014


ASU was number 6 in the country at that point, only to lose to OSU. They beat Duke in El Paso's Sun Bowl.

November 17, 2014


Look, when you're trying to figure out what to do with radishes, the very last thing you want to do is look at slideshows of radishes. I want to write "I love slideshows" just because I think it might be the first time that phrase ever appeared on the internet.

November 18, 2014


The fuel oil company is the only thing I ever use checks for; their online bill pay system has been "coming soon" for years now. It used to be the landlord until she started asking for the rent in cash. The address is from three places ago.

November 25, 2014


The night of the Ferguson non-indictment announcement and seeing promoted tweets in the stream; probably not a great click-through rate, I'm guessing.


From some video game commercial; I had to Google the misspelling just to make sure it wasn't some gamer 'zine or something.

November 28, 2014


A "nice" idea.

November 29, 2014


Got sucked into the Brian Bosworth 30 For 30 (without expecting to). I actually loved the T-shirt! Also, I think he was ahead of his time, this being years before O'Bannon v. NCAA and the College Athletes Players Union.


It was revelatory! I can't remember which recipe we used, perhaps it was this.

Posted: March 16th, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , ,
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