Approaching Target, Meeting Target . . . Aw Nuts, Now We're Exceeding Target . . . And Back To Not Meeting Target

September 29, 2014


Literally: starting to toilet "train" and of course we're environmentally gentle.


I'm terrible — terrible! — about remembering to shut them off and they're always running out of batteries. Might as well just spread out the clothes on the floor or whatnot and wait for me to use them.


The exclamation points stretched it out to 140 characters. Did you know about this? It's true:

Just in time for election season, more than a million New York families are about to get a $350 check courtesy of Gov. Cuomo and state lawmakers.

The checks, which state officials began mailing this week, are the first installments of a three-year tax credit program that Cuomo and legislators tucked into last year's state budget.

"It's as shameless a political ploy as we have ever seen," said E.J. McMahon of the Empire Center for Public Policy.

The tax credits, which will drain about $357 million from the state treasury this year, will arrive in mailboxes just weeks before Cuomo and legislators face reelection.

As I've said before, the scary thing about Cuomo is that the only thing he really stakes his candidacy on is getting elected, which is the worst kind of fucking politician. At least this is just one state; keep this goofball as far away from 2016 as humanly possible or an entire country will be sorry.

September 30, 2014


It's the really non-descript places that feel this way. A menu either sent or left at the door. Three-and-a-half stars on Yelp; combination of puff reviews and people whose business it seems to be to rate random places on Yelp. All these years, we've never been there. I'm trying to pinpoint the feeling, but it's just sort of cold and sad. Like a washed-up rock band promising to rock you, or a slot machine, or the Houston Astros. I really wish they didn't bother saying anything, but there it is. And of course I added the menu to our take-out collection.

October 1, 2014


The new DOE criteria for rating schools; maybe I was just skimming the article, but honestly, do we give a fuck how "interesting" the curriculum is? Isn't the curriculum the curriculum, and what's interesting is how you teach the curriculum? Unless they're teaching season 4 of The Wire, you think any of this crap is interesting? This is when the De Blasio administration seems fucking ridiculous.


More of the new DOE criteria for rating schools; what I love, love, love about this rating scale is that three of the four labels are basically positive and the endpoints make no sense. Such a fucking joke it makes Bloomberg's letter grades seem remarkable. I don't know which is worse, Cuomo's self-serving "agenda" or whatever it is that comprises an agenda in New York City. Fortunately, no one gives a fuck.


With the exception of the days leading up to and out of the MLB All-Star break, apparently one of the slowest nights in all of sports, and one I'd never quite perceived before. This was the day after the end of the baseball season, a Tuesday with no football and still too early for the basketball and hockey regular seasons. There was that goofy wildcard game, but other than that, only cricket and water polo. And preseason hockey and college soccer. Do you remember when ESPN used to show weird sports like that? Seems like a gazillion years ago. Anyway, this edit is too early for the Royals-A's ending, but it's representative.


Sometimes I think to look through my spam and I found this. Don't quite get what they're selling though.

October 2, 2014


More SportsCenter double entendre. Of course never not funny.


It's on this video at about 0:24. I think she meant "Latino" or some other more appropriate descriptor. Also, an inside joke of sorts.

October 3, 2014


Actually, a great deal of energy has been expended trying to figure out what's the deal with this guy. People, it's not the lack of belt, it's that crazy goddamn torso. People like that don't want to pitch, they want to show off their deltoids and sex you silly. Stay far, far away from them, lest you get a creatine contact high.


On second thought, this ad is so rotten that it doesn't deserve our mental space — sort of like subservient chicken or beheading videos.

October 4, 2014


People in Chicago sure seem to take a lot of LSD.


It's actually Greek, apparently.


It seems straightforward to me: one game to see who gets to participate in the playoffs. But that's not "the playoffs." I can't imagine the Pirates or A's feel like they made it to "the playoffs," either. That said, when the Royals played in three straight extra-inning playoff, I sort of changed my mind. Just a little bit.


It was quite a comeback, but I don't want to undercut my contrarian cred, so I'll double down and say that statistically, some of these hail mary passes have to find their way into the end zone, right? So no big deal . . . though in retrospect (after reading that first comment), the best thing about successful hail marys is the disbelief of the losing team. Such a pure feeling of defeat . . .


A six-month-old asleep at 11:30 on the table next to the laptop — work with me here, internet . . .

October 5, 2014


This was interesting to me at the time . . .


Because this was what I was looking up — how exactly kids made it from Westwood to Pasadena.


Remembered this from long ago and pleased to discover that nearly all Pac-10, er, 12 teams say something similar.


Still unresolved.


What's that thing about knocking on wood? Can't explain the buttercream frosting except to say, hold on to it because it won't last forever.


From the archives — not sure why I thought of it, but I did. I'm intrigued and a little bit scared about what they'll do in response to ISIS.

Posted: October 6th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Are You There, Peter Coyote? It's Me, Ooma . . . And I've Got The Facial Hair To Prove It

September 23, 2014


And then you're like, "How many hours long is this thing?"


What he said; also, I don't like living in a world where commercials make flirty banter between man and machine look "cute."


It was archival images of TR during his days in the Badlands, but it could have been 20-somethings in Bushwick. Or ISIS along the Euphrates.


These dagnamit Buck Naked Underwear ads are starting to get into Slanket territory; you can't — just can't — use "stink" and "sweat" in the same sentence when talking about anything remotely related to a man's crotch.

September 24, 2014


Midnight is somehow both late enough and early enough to make a mess of things.


Big Black's "Steelworker" came on the shuffle while I was doing some wild goose chase housework (sometimes there's a good reason for a drop ceiling, and that's when there is none) and it stuck in my head. Mr. Baby, Too is more than 20 pounds and is nowhere near crawling, so when he's in the Ergo, it gives new meaning to "great big thing crawling all over me," a line I never really understood to begin with. Also, while doing dishes it occurred to me that "I kill what I eat" is sort of backwards, right? You eat what you kill, like Ted Nugent, not the opposite — that is, unless you're into certain Asian dishes . . .


The night the Pirates clinched; I initially misheard, probably because I'm not really following the Pirates.

September 25, 2014


I'm sorry, I really am, but this is one of my biggest, uh, pet peeves. I will never, ever understand why dog owners feel like it's OK to let their animals urinate on people's property. A while back it occurred to me how gross it must be for sanitation workers; indeed, apparently it is. It took me down a rabbit hole of memories about dog waste: I remember friends' backyards where dogs used doggie doors to go outside to relieve themselves. A weekly chore was cleaning up the dog shit; which is to say, that for 6 3/4 days a week the backyard was full of dog shit. I sometimes get a little squeamish sitting on any grassy area. All of which is to say, What the fuck, man?


Giving Mama unsolicited advice. Amazing how hard it can be to jog your memory and how satisfying it is when you bust through years of Google plaque to figure out whatever it was you couldn't remember in the first place.

September 26, 2014


If they hadn't excised Sparky, the bowling ball helmets may have been kind of interesting. If they hadn't been so shitty against UCLA, they might have been "bold," or whatever. But both contingencies failed to materialize.


Jen's observation. It's true — and I've absolutely used, or overused, "award-winning" in things. Try to remember, then be willing to forget.


They would have scored [tallying . . .]

  • Sack: 1 (1 point)
  • Interception: 2 (4 points)
  • Fumble Recovery: 2 (4 points)
  • Touchdown: 1 (6 points)
  • Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns: 1 (6 points)
  • Points Allowed 21-27 points: 0

21 points. Christ.


I watched part of the beginning of the game but missed the game-winner.


I feel like I've seen a lot of articles about this show recently, not all of which nymag.com Twitter spam. I watched this show. I liked this show. I wanted Luke and Lorelai to find love. I wanted Rory to succeed. And yet I think it's OK to leave it behind, even if it is available on Netflix. Perhaps it's something rotten I notice in myself, but the full-bore banter Nick-and-Noraism of the scripts is kind of fatiguing after a while.


Well, so there's that.


And then that happened . . .


Actual content; what a concept.

September 27, 2014


God, it was in this episode of Inside the Eagles, which I think they edited out! Anyway, it's a knock-knock joke, where the knock-knock goes, "Knock Knock? Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop . . ." you get the idea . . .

Posted: September 29th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , ,

An Out-And-Out Nut Spiking

September 15, 2014


It's true. Sometimes shots on par 3 holes happen to go in on the first shot. Sure, it takes skill to hit a golf ball and have it land on the green, but it seems totally haphazard when it also happens to roll into the cup. They're just not that interesting. I feel like I've said something similar in the past about half-court shots in basketball.

September 16, 2014


It's this:


So of course we benched Thomas and started Sproles this week: Thomas had 11.10 points and Sproles had 3.00. Christ.


The neighbors seem to smoke a lot of weed, so I smell that smell quite a bit. I could have been hallucinating. It could have been something he ate. I'm just hoping it's not secondhand.

September 17, 2014


Postscript: Dishwasher listened.

September 18, 2014


I can't remember who this was about but I wouldn't be surprised if it was the mayor.


That was from this article in the Times about Cuomo's supporters going after Astorino about him liking the Dolphins and not a New York team — any team, or in the governor's case, all of them. The problem with Cuomo is that everything he does seems calculated to run for president — do you get the sense he's passionate about anything at all? Even De Blasio at least is geeked about tall buildings.


Combining passages from Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch with fantasy football roster moves: another owner offered Rivers for wide receiver Michael Floyd after seeing that we were saddled with an injured RGIII. He had Drew Brees already; I think Rivers had a better game than Brees last weekend (not this one).


Again, The Goldfinch: after the trade went through.


It's a neighborhood amenity at 360 Smith, alongside specialty food stores, classic speakeasies and trendy eateries, eclectic boutiques, historic venues and convenient access to public transportation, schools, playgrounds, the waterfront, downtown Brooklyn, and Manhattan.


The spot was atmospheric and riveting. I can't remember what the game was.


What I said.


They disappeared for a while and now they're back, and that's a shame.

September 19, 2014


More Goldfinch . . .


This actually makes sense in context, and it took me quite a while to perceive the irony of it.


This stuff is starting to sound a little too hyperbolic. Contrarian impulse, activate; form of, throwing away vote to third party.

September 20, 2014


The Baltimore Ravens' response to ESPN's big story that the team knew the full extent of the Ray Rice casino beating almost immediately, which is counter to what nearly everyone in any position of power has been saying since the whole thing began. I vaguely remember in the past someone highlighting how weaselly this type of statement was, but I couldn't immediately Google it. Basically, an "error" or "inaccuracy" could be something as unimportant as saying a shirt is red when it is actually maroon. And I don't even know what "false assumptions" and "perhaps, misunderstandings" would even begin to matter . . .


Mr. Baby, Too sucking on my elbow in bed that morning. Note: we do not condone or endorse in any way "co-sleeping."

Posted: September 21st, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , ,
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