For Our Younger Viewers, Go To Google

October 22, 2014


It took me a while to remember what exactly I was repeating, but it eventually came back: ESPN's Scott Van Pelt floridly and eloquently eulogizing the Washington Post's Ben Bradlee during a late night edition of SportsCenter, only doing it in a way that didn't really say anything about Bradlee's legacy, then lazily adding at the end, "For our younger viewers, go to Google." If only he wrote obituaries.


In the post-2 a.m.-class of Tweets, this had to do with what I felt was gratuitous grandstanding — as if there's any other kind! — from our local council member about a large development on the waterfront; it also merited a late night FW: Link email to Goober and Jen. Later I regretted feeling anything, remembering that every single aspect of city government in a one-party city is some form of theater, with outcomes predetermined. In retrospect, I should amend this to "The City Council is fucking stupid."


So our bank, Esahc (read backwards if you care), deigned to tag me with a $12 fee because a direct deposit was $5 under the minimum required to maintain a free checking account. I called and asked them to remove the fee. They did (as they did this month again). Ready to switch banks.


Only in the days afterward learned it was a thing.

October 24, 2014


Um, ya think? So much of the governance of this state (and city) is so fucking crazy-making. With so few media outlets discussing these proposals at all until the waning days of the election, do you think anyone really was that informed about how to vote? New York is so "progressive" . . . except when it comes to voting. A disgrace, and it's hard to believe that everyone in power doesn't prefer it that way.


The people in charge want people to think it's hip not to panic; they are the least hip people on the planet. I don't want to live in a world where elected officials are cool. They're not. And when people think they are, that means politicians have way, way too much power.

October 25, 2014


It was Mark Levine.


I also really dislike the ostentatious use of mass transit. I bet de Blasio didn't even pay his own fare.

October 26, 2014


Like a ham, able to be served at Christmas? The words of ESPN's Mark Jones (harder than I thought to figure out who called this game, but this page exists) after ASU put the game out of reach late in the fourth quarter against the Huskies. This seems to be a go-to line for him; I just wish I understood what it meant.

October 27, 2014


It occurred to me, while out at an artisanal hot dog/cocktail establishment, how ridiculous it is to make music that people dine out to. I'm sure ASCAP is appreciative of their efforts, but people, seriously?


I didn't know you could even buy a Maserati, much less lease one, but being that we're on the topic, who does this?


A close loss, by under a point. Wouldn't have mattered had Sammy Watkins not prematurely hotdogged . . .

October 28, 2014


I'm happy to believe it's my own problem but I much prefer to blame the New York Post. I find myself avoiding clicking on their links, especially on a mobile device. Technology changes everything.

October 29, 2014


The last day of the public radio pledge drive, and I'd heard this bit of opera so many times that I finally had to figure out what it was. It's "Nessun Dorma" by Puccini, and it took so, so long to figure that out:

October 30, 2014


When I say "a portion," it keeps it open ended.


Jamaal Charles had his stats corrected (didn't know this happened), RENDERING MEANINGLESS ALL THE HAND WRINGING ABOUT DALLAS' INABILITY TO GET A SACK LATE IN A MEANINGLESS GAME!!!!!


The answer to the earlier tweet; now we know.


It was early in the season against the Cavs; I think it might have been this exact moment, now that I think about it:

October 31, 2014


A post-1 a.m.-class State Farm quip.

November 1, 2014


Always a good thing . . .


Not me, this, which serves as a great reminder to everyone to avoid ever being interviewed about anything lifestyle related; they always make you sound like a big jerk.

November 2, 2014


Watching the SNL peformance, it just popped into my head. I couldn't remember if Gaddafi ever died (he did, in 2011). I would worry about how this all sounds but Prince seems so fucking weird that it's hard not to think he had this in mind in the first place; as mysterious and inscrutable now as he seemed when I was in grade school. Before they both pass on, he and Mark E. Smith should reimagine "Girl from the North Country" (Nashville Skyline version). (Just kidding about that "passing on" snark: one is 56 and the other is 57 . . . though one looks like 36 and the other looks like 77!)

November 3, 2014


As usual, I had to google what this was to remember what I was repeating. It's as if you already know it's Brooklyn without the Myrtle Avenue reference. The place itself actually seems a lot less annoying than the headline makes it sound.

November 6, 2014


There are moments when the contents of an infant's diaper sound like a Ruth Reichl tweet.

November 9, 2014


Jen's idea to post this; her experience on Saturday. Wouldn't you know it, they never even responded! I guess we didn't follow the rules.

November 10, 2014


12:41 a.m.: Which is to say, "Let's Go to Bed."


If you have a website these people send this shit spam that goes something like "I'm compiling a list of links around the web and here are some I want to share" and four out of five look legitimate and the fifth is some shit about onlineloanjizzbox.com or some such. I'm googling and no one is calling them out and I cannot figure out why. I need an answer about what on earth it's about.

November 11, 2014


A near-3 a.m.-class of tweet: for some reason the Leaving Trains popped into my head:

November 12, 2014


Jen saw me sleeping on the couch and was pissed, wondering why the baby monitor wasn't on: I was like, "Why are we watching people playing poker?"


2:29 a.m.: a second wind! And back to that Cure song: when Robert Smith says "stupid game," it sounds so much like "stew pit." Is there anyone with a "Stew Pit" alias [checking . . .]? Yes! He (he?) has inactive Twitter and Tumblr accounts!


There's just something so awesomely aggro about these words out of context.

Posted: November 15th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

SEO Was A Hero To Most But It Never Meant Shit To Me

October 7, 2014


It was really amazing — three penalties called back three Percy Harvin touchdowns . . . THUS PRESERVING WEEK 5 FANTASY DOMINATION!!!

October 8, 2014


Hedging Tweets; isn't everyone as sick of the Giants and Cardinals as I am?

October 9, 2014


I have a feeling that the culprit was an out-of-date link that Google pooped out, but it's a feeling I have often enough to seem common. Do you understand how fucking annoying it is to run over to the laptop to check something while the kids are up and about, only to have some page like Google Fucking Maps load up a bunch of extraneous bullshit and then hang and/or crash? It's a slap in your fucking face, that's what it is. People, be basic, jam econo. In time we can make it a movement. And no, I don't care that it's free fucking content.


The Clash, being basically unassailable, could sell their firstborn to the United Arab Emirates for all I care. Still, this made me do a double take. I was wondering if it was actually Metallica doing the version [checking . . .] it's not. And . . . JFC! . . . I'm learning for the first time that The Clash actually covered it. Honestly, I bet the ad people didn't even realize that until they figured out who to contact for the rights; it's such a sweet spot for the 40-60 set. And, ultimately, it's still not as jarring as the Buzzcocks-AARP ad from a few years back.

October 10, 2014


Self-explanatory; also, the exhaustion is so palpable that the notion that this seems "wise" or "important enough to mention" is totally absurd. Also, that's like every night. But point taken.


HAHA! GET IT? Actually, a project that's being worked upon made me remember something I learned in teacher school about how our brains do better with lower-case, in terms of using the spatial differences to speed reading. It's why SPEECHES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS ARE SO FUCKING DUMB; your brain is being overextended at a moment when you need to make it look effortless. THIS SUMMARIZES IT!!!!!


It's still a good name, lo these five days later.

October 11, 2014


Sometimes everyday life is completely, utterly, irredeemably unbearable.


SEO was a hero to most but it never meant shit to me. Sorry about that comma there. I guess.

October 12, 2014

Two families on our street motivating early to get somewhere. Please let it be the really crowded pumpkin farm down by Princeton.

— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 12, 2014


As the FarmersOnly.com people can't stop getting across to late-night ESPN viewers, City Folks Just Don't Get It. It was still bonkers at the pumpkin-apple-palooza we visited up in Dutchess County.


Mostly the beer cans. Somewhat the inexplicable and gross hair all over the floor.


SO EXCITED I finally figured out the title/provenance of this piece of music. It's so iconic. If a band covered it I think I'd throw my underwear on stage. There's a similar earworm they use for basketball highlights that I can't Google my way out of.

October 13, 2014


I remember reading this article a long, long time ago and thinking something along the lines of, "Oh, she's only going to be on 12 more Progressive ads then." That must have been 150 ads ago. You'd think that character would be lodged so deeply in your mental space that nothing else would penetrate it, but it's actually such a pervasive ad that she becomes invisible, sort of like the president, or Peyton Manning, or Richard Lewis. The YouTube clip was new to me.

October 14, 2014


Saying the kids say the "darnedest things" belittles their superior sense of timing and insight.


Right? You want to see this, don't you? He is forty-four years old, for Pete's sake.

Posted: October 15th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Are You There, Peter Coyote? It's Me, Ooma . . . And I've Got The Facial Hair To Prove It

September 23, 2014


And then you're like, "How many hours long is this thing?"


What he said; also, I don't like living in a world where commercials make flirty banter between man and machine look "cute."


It was archival images of TR during his days in the Badlands, but it could have been 20-somethings in Bushwick. Or ISIS along the Euphrates.


These dagnamit Buck Naked Underwear ads are starting to get into Slanket territory; you can't — just can't — use "stink" and "sweat" in the same sentence when talking about anything remotely related to a man's crotch.

September 24, 2014


Midnight is somehow both late enough and early enough to make a mess of things.


Big Black's "Steelworker" came on the shuffle while I was doing some wild goose chase housework (sometimes there's a good reason for a drop ceiling, and that's when there is none) and it stuck in my head. Mr. Baby, Too is more than 20 pounds and is nowhere near crawling, so when he's in the Ergo, it gives new meaning to "great big thing crawling all over me," a line I never really understood to begin with. Also, while doing dishes it occurred to me that "I kill what I eat" is sort of backwards, right? You eat what you kill, like Ted Nugent, not the opposite — that is, unless you're into certain Asian dishes . . .


The night the Pirates clinched; I initially misheard, probably because I'm not really following the Pirates.

September 25, 2014


I'm sorry, I really am, but this is one of my biggest, uh, pet peeves. I will never, ever understand why dog owners feel like it's OK to let their animals urinate on people's property. A while back it occurred to me how gross it must be for sanitation workers; indeed, apparently it is. It took me down a rabbit hole of memories about dog waste: I remember friends' backyards where dogs used doggie doors to go outside to relieve themselves. A weekly chore was cleaning up the dog shit; which is to say, that for 6 3/4 days a week the backyard was full of dog shit. I sometimes get a little squeamish sitting on any grassy area. All of which is to say, What the fuck, man?


Giving Mama unsolicited advice. Amazing how hard it can be to jog your memory and how satisfying it is when you bust through years of Google plaque to figure out whatever it was you couldn't remember in the first place.

September 26, 2014


If they hadn't excised Sparky, the bowling ball helmets may have been kind of interesting. If they hadn't been so shitty against UCLA, they might have been "bold," or whatever. But both contingencies failed to materialize.


Jen's observation. It's true — and I've absolutely used, or overused, "award-winning" in things. Try to remember, then be willing to forget.


They would have scored [tallying . . .]

  • Sack: 1 (1 point)
  • Interception: 2 (4 points)
  • Fumble Recovery: 2 (4 points)
  • Touchdown: 1 (6 points)
  • Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns: 1 (6 points)
  • Points Allowed 21-27 points: 0

21 points. Christ.


I watched part of the beginning of the game but missed the game-winner.


I feel like I've seen a lot of articles about this show recently, not all of which nymag.com Twitter spam. I watched this show. I liked this show. I wanted Luke and Lorelai to find love. I wanted Rory to succeed. And yet I think it's OK to leave it behind, even if it is available on Netflix. Perhaps it's something rotten I notice in myself, but the full-bore banter Nick-and-Noraism of the scripts is kind of fatiguing after a while.


Well, so there's that.


And then that happened . . .


Actual content; what a concept.

September 27, 2014


God, it was in this episode of Inside the Eagles, which I think they edited out! Anyway, it's a knock-knock joke, where the knock-knock goes, "Knock Knock? Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop . . ." you get the idea . . .

Posted: September 29th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , ,
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