Annotated Twitter: At Some Point The Original Owners Of All This "Reclaimed" Wood Are Going To Want It Back; What Happens Then?

January 2, 2015


You're in the hospital. With a bunch of health professionals. And you're going to admit you smoked and drank during your pregnancy? Is it any wonder statistics relating to this stuff are probably bullshit?


That was Jameis Winston after, uh, losing to Oregon. Thankfully he's never been on a diet.


The Sixers are so bad that their sponsors give away stuff when they score 90 lousy points, which is basically like the entire rest of the league, every night.

January 3, 2015


Something not totally apparent on the commercials is HOW GODDAMN LOUD THESE THINGS ARE.

January 4, 2015


That would be New York Times music writer Jon Pareles perseverating on the physical attributes of middle-aged women.

January 5, 2015


Stupid, facile, meaningless words.


It's like she's been waiting in a poorly lit PBS studio all fall waiting to tell us about Lady Mary and shit.

January 6, 2015


I always fantasized about getting punched by Sean Penn.

January 10, 2015


It's true — that's a bus in a subway station. It's unnatural.

January 13, 2015


We had people over and I saw a friend absent-mindedly lean on the top of the fridge, only to wipe his hand off on the napkin he was holding. Shit, I can't remember the last time I cleaned the top of the fridge. It took me two more weeks to finally get up there.

January 14, 2015


True: a seemingly straightforward phrase with no readily apparent origin, except for the obvious: alliteration.


Some children grow up with panoramic skylines; fuck them.

January 15, 2015


At some point the original owners of all this "reclaimed" wood are going to want it back; what happens then?

January 16, 2015


Just invites a slapstick comedy treatment.


So far out of my league, so way outside my comfort zone and so way above my pay grade.

January 18, 2015


Sometimes you get super jazzed about the latest establishments that open in your neighborhood. Then there are the other times.

January 19, 2015


Bumper stickers: They're saying what you're thinking.

January 20, 2015


May juvenile laughs never, ever cease to amuse.


Which is why you really, really don't want the entire subway system to default to pre-recorded announcements.

January 26, 2015


Just the most versatile single of 1992, is all.

January 29, 2015


It took many years and many, many poorly executed freelance assignments to come to this conclusion, but eventually I realized that as a poorly trained, completely unseasoned writer I totally overused hyphens, especially when it came to compound modifiers. In this case, "middle class" is a noun, and a very common one, almost as common as the subject itself. YOU DON'T NEED A FUCKING HYPHEN. The weaker argument for hyphenation — "clarification" — doesn't apply here either: there's no such thing as "class economics," so notating that it's not the middle form of "class economics" is no reason to hyphenate. That the president puts this out there makes me distrust his interest in actual "middle class economics." Besides which, the middle class doesn't have endless hyphens to spare — quit trying to hog them all.

January 30, 2015


I was just looking up an address — came across this steady stream of one star Yelp reviews. There's something brilliant and inspired about all one-star reviews (there's that hyphen again).

January 31, 2015


Ray Lewis doing some pre-Super Bowl shit with kids, if memory serves. At 1:39 in the morning, I'm sure it was that.

Posted: March 18th, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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