For Our Younger Viewers, Go To Google
October 22, 2014
For our younger viewers, go to Google.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 22, 2014
It took me a while to remember what exactly I was repeating, but it eventually came back: ESPN's Scott Van Pelt floridly and eloquently eulogizing the Washington Post's Ben Bradlee during a late night edition of SportsCenter, only doing it in a way that didn't really say anything about Bradlee's legacy, then lazily adding at the end, "For our younger viewers, go to Google." If only he wrote obituaries.
Representative democracy is fucking stupid.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 22, 2014
In the post-2 a.m.-class of Tweets, this had to do with what I felt was gratuitous grandstanding — as if there's any other kind! — from our local council member about a large development on the waterfront; it also merited a late night FW: Link email to Goober and Jen. Later I regretted feeling anything, remembering that every single aspect of city government in a one-party city is some form of theater, with outcomes predetermined. In retrospect, I should amend this to "The City Council is fucking stupid."
The $12 deducted from your account this month is a one-time convenience fee for losing all your personal data to hackers.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 22, 2014
So our bank, Esahc (read backwards if you care), deigned to tag me with a $12 fee because a direct deposit was $5 under the minimum required to maintain a free checking account. I called and asked them to remove the fee. They did (as they did this month again). Ready to switch banks.
Who is the idiot behind home plate wearing bright orange Marlins gear (with matching visor)? Contrarian streak activated; I hate myself.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 23, 2014
Only in the days afterward learned it was a thing.
October 24, 2014
The Smart Schools Bond (Prop. 3) sounds suspiciously like a way for Cuomo to raise money for schools without having to say he raised taxes.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 24, 2014
Um, ya think? So much of the governance of this state (and city) is so fucking crazy-making. With so few media outlets discussing these proposals at all until the waning days of the election, do you think anyone really was that informed about how to vote? New York is so "progressive" . . . except when it comes to voting. A disgrace, and it's hard to believe that everyone in power doesn't prefer it that way.
Ultimately, I want to be empowered to decide how much I want to panic.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 24, 2014
The people in charge want people to think it's hip not to panic; they are the least hip people on the planet. I don't want to live in a world where elected officials are cool. They're not. And when people think they are, that means politicians have way, way too much power.
October 25, 2014
I may not be an epidemiologist, but I am a City Council member, and believe me, you have absolutely nothing to be worried about.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 25, 2014
It was Mark Levine.
Both Mayor Bill de Blasio and Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo have ridden the subway to show that it was safe.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 26, 2014
I also really dislike the ostentatious use of mass transit. I bet de Blasio didn't even pay his own fare.
October 26, 2014
Cooked, glazed and sliced!
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 26, 2014
Like a ham, able to be served at Christmas? The words of ESPN's Mark Jones (harder than I thought to figure out who called this game, but this page exists) after ASU put the game out of reach late in the fourth quarter against the Huskies. This seems to be a go-to line for him; I just wish I understood what it meant.
October 27, 2014
Music you can eat to.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 27, 2014
It occurred to me, while out at an artisanal hot dog/cocktail establishment, how ridiculous it is to make music that people dine out to. I'm sure ASCAP is appreciative of their efforts, but people, seriously?
Lease a Maserati for $799 a month.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 27, 2014
I didn't know you could even buy a Maserati, much less lease one, but being that we're on the topic, who does this?
Dear God, please let the Cowboy defense get one more goddamn sack.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 28, 2014
A close loss, by under a point. Wouldn't have mattered had Sammy Watkins not prematurely hotdogged . . .
October 28, 2014
When websites laden with a bunch of bullshit inevitably crash, is it just because I have a bad computer, or does everyone's computer crash?
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 29, 2014
I'm happy to believe it's my own problem but I much prefer to blame the New York Post. I find myself avoiding clicking on their links, especially on a mobile device. Technology changes everything.
October 29, 2014
All'Alba Vincero! Vincero! Vincero!
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 29, 2014
The last day of the public radio pledge drive, and I'd heard this bit of opera so many times that I finally had to figure out what it was. It's "Nessun Dorma" by Puccini, and it took so, so long to figure that out:
October 30, 2014
Looking forward to spending a portion of the evening figuring out where the "I love me some [blank]" trope comes from.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 30, 2014
When I say "a portion," it keeps it open ended.
[fist pumping] STAT CORRECTIONS!!!!!
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 30, 2014
Jamaal Charles had his stats corrected (didn't know this happened), RENDERING MEANINGLESS ALL THE HAND WRINGING ABOUT DALLAS' INABILITY TO GET A SACK LATE IN A MEANINGLESS GAME!!!!!
I love me some personal datives.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 31, 2014
The answer to the earlier tweet; now we know.
Just noticing how much Derek Fisher's outfit makes him look like a JetBlue flight attendant.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 31, 2014
It was early in the season against the Cavs; I think it might have been this exact moment, now that I think about it:
October 31, 2014
Was that Chris Paul's non-free throw-shooting twin?
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) October 31, 2014
A post-1 a.m.-class State Farm quip.
November 1, 2014
Today I didn't even have to use my homeowners insurance; I got to say it was a good day.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 1, 2014
Always a good thing . . .
When you raise kids and they're a priority, and then they grow up, it's numbing, it's heartbreaking.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 1, 2014
Not me, this, which serves as a great reminder to everyone to avoid ever being interviewed about anything lifestyle related; they always make you sound like a big jerk.
November 2, 2014
Totally LOVING Prince's Gaddafi-esque woman guitar army.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 2, 2014
Watching the SNL peformance, it just popped into my head. I couldn't remember if Gaddafi ever died (he did, in 2011). I would worry about how this all sounds but Prince seems so fucking weird that it's hard not to think he had this in mind in the first place; as mysterious and inscrutable now as he seemed when I was in grade school. Before they both pass on, he and Mark E. Smith should reimagine "Girl from the North Country" (Nashville Skyline version). (Just kidding about that "passing on" snark: one is 56 and the other is 57 . . . though one looks like 36 and the other looks like 77!)
November 3, 2014
Vintage-themed bar is bringing pingpong and fried pickles to Myrtle Ave.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 4, 2014
As usual, I had to google what this was to remember what I was repeating. It's as if you already know it's Brooklyn without the Myrtle Avenue reference. The place itself actually seems a lot less annoying than the headline makes it sound.
November 6, 2014
Apple yogurt, farm-fresh scrambled eggs and freshly caught flounder.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 6, 2014
There are moments when the contents of an infant's diaper sound like a Ruth Reichl tweet.
November 9, 2014
.@JetBlue 3-hour delay due to mechanical problem, fine; showing Jersey Boys on a flight too short to get to the ending, unacceptable!
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 9, 2014
Jen's idea to post this; her experience on Saturday. Wouldn't you know it, they never even responded! I guess we didn't follow the rules.
November 10, 2014
Let me take your hand, I'm shaking like milk.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 10, 2014
12:41 a.m.: Which is to say, "Let's Go to Bed."
The Online Loan Calculator's guide to pedestrian and cyclist safety is quite a resource!
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 10, 2014
If you have a website these people send this shit spam that goes something like "I'm compiling a list of links around the web and here are some I want to share" and four out of five look legitimate and the fifth is some shit about onlineloanjizzbox.com or some such. I'm googling and no one is calling them out and I cannot figure out why. I need an answer about what on earth it's about.
November 11, 2014
Put me in a coma and don't wake me until 2013.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 11, 2014
A near-3 a.m.-class of tweet: for some reason the Leaving Trains popped into my head:
November 12, 2014
I don't know, but why is poker on ESPN?
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 12, 2014
Jen saw me sleeping on the couch and was pissed, wondering why the baby monitor wasn't on: I was like, "Why are we watching people playing poker?"
A stew pit game.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 12, 2014
2:29 a.m.: a second wind! And back to that Cure song: when Robert Smith says "stupid game," it sounds so much like "stew pit." Is there anyone with a "Stew Pit" alias [checking . . .]? Yes! He (he?) has inactive Twitter and Tumblr accounts!
You smell like a monkey, and you look like one, too.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) November 13, 2014
There's just something so awesomely aggro about these words out of context.