Annotated Twitter: If You Stare At Something Long Enough You Will Probably End Up Falling Asleep

June 1, 2015

Sort of like beheading videos or celebrity dick pics: the civilized approach demands a refusal to participate.

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June 2, 2015

In other words, the best part of the summertime ESPN late afternoon lineup editorial output.

Such a sucker for non-traditional walkup music.

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June 4, 2015

Basically, no one gets children's music right; I have a funny feeling children are just being polite when listening to it.

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June 5, 2015

Because who doesn't want to spend his or her Friday evening listening to a bunch of really stale gay slurs?

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June 6, 2015

I would like to believe that I would do the decent thing and take my children camping for the first time if only to use these blasted sound puzzles for kindling, but I fear I will stoop to continuing the cycle of violence by passing along these crazy-making nightmares to unsuspecting future parents.

Seriously, you shouldn't get Googletonic top SEO fuckery for subscription-only content. I don't care how wonderful your "foolproof baked fried chicken shortcut" is, or whatever it was I was looking up. Fuck the internet.

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June 8, 2015

Totally forgot who this was: turns out, it's a fellow named "Chet," which, I now know, is a diminutive for "Chester." That he's a rapper, too, is just icing on the cake.

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June 13, 2015

Birdman was overwrought ridiculousness and I haven't done an Oscar pool in years. On the other hand, Kenny Mayne is a real enigma.

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June 14, 2015

Totally didn't happen. Would have been AWESOME . . .

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June 15, 2015

Just a thing I noticed in the course of doing actual work; Bing is weird, right?

The Blackhawks. And it seems they keep the band in business (listen around 4:00, expanded on around 6:00 or so).

Just got really, really tired of nypost.com crashing and then learning that it's basically a purposeful tactic.

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June 16, 2015

Often heard in connection with attempts to apologize for matters of race, class and gender before launching into an opinion about said topic, e.g., "It's fucking ridiculous that here I am, a goddamn white man, talking about the meaning of [X], but . . ."

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June 17, 2015

At some point it seemed that having "every right" to think, do or say something was maybe a little hyperbolic.

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June 18, 2015

I still don't understand what "Google Plus" could possibly mean.

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June 19, 2015

It causes my serotonin levels to crash, and makes me feel generally gloomy, like I'm missing out on something truly wonderful happening to a large, boisterous crowd somewhere who is better dressed, better paid and better buzzed than I am.

Actually, not really.

First, she's fucking ridiculous and I'm not at all unhappy that it took me four years to learn why. Also, always curious about that one letter.

Really, 667 would have looked great in the record books, whichever one will take him.

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June 20, 2015

Only two of my very favorite things of all time: zoos and the theme from Caddyshack.

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June 23, 2015

Another in a long line of frustration dreams.

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June 24, 2015

Not excited about eventually replacing the laptop because SOME PEOPLE like to use it as a percussion instrument.

Before the record industry destroyed internet radio there was (if I recall correctly) a weird site called "Spank Radio" or some such that had a single playlist that streamed the same songs in the same order. This song was on there somewhere and has been stuck in my head for fifteen years and it wasn't until this exact moment when I heard it again. I still had those pleated pants until fairly recently. Here's a funny article from the last millennium: "A website isn't worth its bandwidth these days if it doesn't offer some sort of RealAudio, Liquid Audio, Windows Media Player, Winamp, or MP3 option."

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June 25, 2015

Seriously, "ballpark.org" is great — has to be worth something, right? Like a mortgage company looking to attract first-time home buyers or, I don't know what.

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June 28, 2015

I'm pretty sure Rachel McAdams' dad on True Detective was at the same yoga retreat Don Draper spent the early 1970s at. It sure looked that way. [Factcheck: yup.]

Posted: December 3rd, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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